Struggling with Weight Gain

Since as long as I can remember, I've always had an unhealthy obsession with food.

Growing up, I would often skip breakfast, scrimp on lunch (I lived on 23 calorie salads...), then when I got home I would devour everything in sight. My binging habits were so extreme I can think of quite a few times I ate so much in one sitting I would actually end up throwing up.

Typically every night I would eat about 13 packets of crisps with a few chocolate bars. Straight after my binge, I would then feel awful, so would compensate by starving myself the next day in a never ending cycle.

In my 'compensating' periods, I became obsessed with exercise, insisting on runs, workouts, and walking everywhere. I would quite often walk two hours a day and then do a workout as soon as I got home on barely any calories. This would last for a while and then of course I would secretly end up having a massive binge. I actually didn't think there was anything wrong with this behaviour, because I remained within the normal weight range and I constantly got compliments on my figure and how 'healthy' I appeared.

Fast forward to college, I got a new boyfriend who lived on takeaways and it wasn't long before I was eating a huge pizza and chips every night washed down with full fat energy drinks. Non surprisingly I felt constantly lethargic, exhausted and even had cuts along my mouth because I was so deficient in vitamins. I piled the weight on very quickly and it wasn't long before I was overweight. 

After we split up, I decided to totally change my life around and concentrate on being healthy. I stocked up on veg, swapped all my rubbish for low calorie options and never ever ate takeaways. The weight dropped off and I felt so confident, I had loads of energy and felt so positive.

I then moved to London on a whim and ended up taking a job in Boots on their operations. This meant I spent about 8-10 hours a day running around and lifting heavy items, and I was burning so many calories that I found I could eat whatever I wanted and not put on a single pound.

That was all great, but when I changed my job to working in an office, I basically kept eating the same things, apart from now I sat on my bum and barely moved an inch all day. Within a year, I had put on two stone, and recently I have entered the 'obese' category for my weight.

I think the biggest thing is that I now live in London and am in a position where I have the disposable income to eat out all the time. I would say me and my boyfriend eat out or order takeaways at least five times a week. We don't order 'bad' foods - I love sushi, fajitas and French cuisine, but they're still high in calories and as they basically are the staples of my diet it's no surprise it's played havoc with my waist line.

Nowadays, I feel so frumpy and like I've completely 'let myself go'. I actually have genuine dread going to places where I might have to get my photo taken, and feel embarrassed if I bump into people I haven't seen in a while. I'm hoping though to get myself back on track this year and hopefully that I will feel a lot more confident and healthy as a result.

Anyway I just wanted to share this because I think we all have that feeling that we need to have our shit together all the time, but it's good to remind ourselves that we're only human and sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break then try to get back on track.

I also wanted to share this because not everything is always as it seems. In a time of life when my food habits were at their worst I had so many comments on how great I looked and how healthy I was. In reality, I was locked in a cycle of restricting / binging and was completely miserable.

Overall, health is the most important thing, and if you can get that right the rest can fall into place. Do you have have a similar experience? If you do I'd love to hear about it below

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